year by year, i grow stouter yet

Is it just me with my over-fantastical mind? Or is it really there? The unspoken sadness, poorness spoken through the unmoving photos of tattered walls mixed with filled families of more than ten? Or is it shown again through the age of my dear grandmother who was so young in the photos and I am just making these connections without much sense? Laughter seemed like a luxury to them, perhaps due to the fact that during the photographing period they need to figure out how to find themselves the next meal? I can¡¦t help but think what kind of poverty they live in? or rather..less improved condition than what we have today makes me feel that they are inferior? Yet they are my relatives, they are who I love, the oldest in the family is at most twenty-four years old and she already has to bring up another youngster. Now I understand the words of ignorance is bliss, my mother was merely a kid, a child of 5 or 6. She would never have understood the idea of poverty.

Now there is something else I see between their brows, eyes of determination, an unspoken drive. Perhaps that is the reason why they smile so little. They need to break open the concrete that lies above them, the inability to provide for their family, they need to break it. They want to provide for their family. Their clothing tells tales of immaturity or is it poverty? I would wish them luck if I was there, but needless to say, they have already succeeded in breaking that barrier upon their shoulders, which once put them down has helped them up. They have shown me, their next generation, what breaking the barrier means, yet that which they teach merely put me down though it helped them up. I guess I have to physically discover the laws of success by myself rather than being told what it is.

I salute them, these warriors of mythical strength, to be able to live up to their full potential, to fill full their potential. This is what I have found in reading an albumful of pictures of my mother¡¦s family.

hm...i want a new spring break...this 1 sucked. Too Too Too fast, and i didn't do my hwk... =P i'm soooooo lazy. AHHHH! the holiday mood infested me!!! nooo, i sound like a messed up geek, oh...that's good, at least i'm being me!!! tee hee!!! some pple will think i'm just acting weird... aha! i AM, this is called day-b4-the-skewl-start-i-will-be-so-screwed syndrome. Too bad no1 got the cure for this, 'cuz every1's infected w/ it.

Santa Monica

In Santa Monica, in the winter time
The lazy streets so undemanding
I walk into the crowd

In Santa Monica, you get your coffee from
The coolest places on the promenade
Where people dress just so

Beauty so unavoidable
Everywhere you turn, it's there
I sit and wonder
what am I doing here?

But on the telephone line
I am anyone, I am anything I want to be
I could be a supermodel
Or Norman Mailer
And you wouldn't know the difference
Or would you?
In Santa Monica, all the people got modern names
Like Jake or Mandy
And modern bodies too
In Santa Monica, on the boulevard
You'll have to dodge those in line skaters
Or they'll knock you down

I never felt so lonely
Never felt so out of place
I never wanted something more than this

a simple life...

this is a topic i'm supposed to write 'bout...yet i can't think of nething to write about it.

i remember reading a book this morning, and enjoying it very much, and thanking heaven for allowing me for a quiet time to enjoy my life. It's a feeling of settled down i guess. Being completely calm, slowly absorbing the material and learning the material. Being peaceful. Completely at rest, and letting myself loose.

Life should be simple. Even being in my room, only looking out the window makes me wonder if 'humanism" has reached too far out into humans' life. Even though i was looking at the trees, books and other artificial material still surrounded me.

I guess for one to be a truly natural man is to go camping? who knows...